Ted Lasso and the Work of Being Wounded
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TED LASSO SEASONS ONE, TWO, AND THREE
“To be wounded, rather than to wound, and by bearing
patiently with the failings of others,
extending the same kindness,
mercy, and compassion that God in Christ
has so graciously offered us.”
From “A Liturgy of the Hours: Daybreak,” Every Moment Holy: Volume 1
Season three of Ted Lasso premiered last week on Apple TV+. If you’ve followed the series from season one, you know this season begins with high stakes. At the end of Season Two, AFC Richmond (an English soccer team owned by Rebecca Welton) is promoted from the Championship to the Premier League. Now, they must prove themselves to the masses (who put them at the bottom of the season’s rankings). Everyone wonders, Can Richmond keep up with the best of the best? It’s to be seen, but even in episode one, team Richmond shines. And at their center stands the title character, an out-of-his-element, ex-American football coach, Ted Lasso.
When season three opens, Lasso looks “worse for wear.” In seasons one and two, Ted goes through a less-than-amicable divorce, panic attacks, and social lashings. Now, in season three, he says goodbye to his son as the boy flies back to America after a summer in Richmond. Lasso grieves the distance and time away from his boy, but even though these personal issues threaten to drown him, Coach Lasso isn’t throwing in the towel yet, especially when it comes to his once close friend, Nathan Shelley.
Nate was an assistant coach and close confidant of Lasso before transferring over to a head coach position at a rival club. West Ham is the best in the Premier League, but the division between these clubs goes far beyond a local rivalry. West Ham is ALSO owned by the cheating ex-husband of AFC Richmond's owner. On top of the job change, Nate stabs Lasso in the back at the end of season 2 by leaking information about a panic attack Coach Lasso experiences during a season match. Not a good move if you're looking to keep friends, but Nate doesn’t care. At West Ham, he doesn’t have to worry about “keeping friends.” He gets what he wants without them.
Nate “The Wonder Kid” Shelley is the “Top Dog” of West Ham, but he doesn’t gain the position honestly. He rules not by respect but by fear and belittlement. He demeans those around him, making them feel small, dumb, and insignificant. At one point, he tells one of his players to stand on “the dumb, dumb” line because he makes a mistake during practice. But this is mild compared to comments he makes during a press conference about AFC Richmond and Coach Lasso.
When a reporter asks Nate’s thoughts about a photo of Lasso leading the AFC Richmond team into the sewer system (for a team moral talk), his response is calculated and cold, “It makes sense to me. They probably have to train in a sewer because their coach (Lasso) is so shitty.”
As the scene played out, those I watched the episode with were disgusted- a fair and proportionate response. Nate’s actions go well beyond team rivalry to downright hateful. He deserves, in the least, a harsh word, let alone the severing of goodwill and relationship, but when it comes time for Coach Lasso to address the Nate-sized elephant in the room, he chooses a road many of us avoid.
Every Moment Holy is a collection of liturgies for life’s small and big moments, ranging from menial tasks and hours to overwhelming sorrow and despair. The book's premise is simple, “We can spend every single moment in God’s presence.” My wife bought herself a copy this past summer, but she didn’t read it a lot on account of how often I stole it from her. The liturgies enthralled me. They put into simple words the truths I want to remember and the heart cries I can’t seem to form. One of my favorites is a liturgy for “The Hours” called “Daybreak.”
“[Our Father’s greatest desire is] that we should love our eternal King / with all our hearts / with all our souls / with all our minds / and with all our strength. [...] And how would you show this love? / By choosing [...] to be wounded, rather than to wound.”
I love and hate the last line. I love it because it elicits Isaiah 53:5, “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” It calls forth images of Jesus, my King, upon the cross, nails in his wrists and feet- the crown of thorns pressed upon his head piercing his flesh- his conscious choice to step in front of the knife arcing down on me rather than cast me out as I deserve.
But that last line also reminds me how feeble I am at following in my King’s footsteps. When people hurt or betray me, I want justice- Old Testament/Old West style, “an eye for an eye.” I know where that path leads (Hint: it’s not to any form of goodness or beauty). Judge, jury, and executioner are not titles any broken human can adequately carry. That is why I found Coach Lasso’s response to Nate’s hatred compelling. During AFC Richmond's press conference in response to West Ham (Nate), Lasso has every right to bite back at the “Top Dog” who bit him. But that’s not what he does.
When I viewed AFC Richmond’s press conference in Season three, episode one, I wondered with anticipation what direction the writers would take the show. Some part of me knew that if they chose the path of retaliation and anger for Ted, a piece of the show’s light would dim. So, when the reporter asks Coach Lasso to respond to Nate’s comments, I sat on the edge of my seat.
And as the camera zooms in, Ted takes a moment’s pause before responding with, “I thought it was hilarious.” The press and owner of AFC Richmond sit back in shock. Lasso proceeds, calling his ex-assistant coach by the endearing name Richmond bestowed upon him in Season One, “Nate the Great.” He then wishes his friend and West Ham well on their season and ends the conference by razzing on himself in pure Lasso style. The press and internet response is overwhelmingly positive, and I think it is because Ted showcases the same qualities we are meant to have as followers of Jesus.
Ted chooses “to be wounded, rather than to wound.” He could have crushed Nate, telling the press about the simp’s betrayal of their friendship. He could have claimed responsibility for “making” Nate by giving him a chance to be an assistant coach instead of the laundry boy. He could have fired right back with demeaning, cutting words. Instead, Ted chooses to treat Nate exactly how he always did- with love.
Ted decides to take the knife in his side instead of plunging one into Nate’s back. Doing so keeps the door open for Nate’s (eventual?) redemption and is an explicit action that proves Nate’s perception of himself and those around him wrong. Nate was loved at AFC Richmond not because of what he could give but because of who he is. He just couldn’t see past his self-hatred, ambition, and pride to the delight in the eyes of those around him. And even after Nate plunges the knife into Ted’s side, Lasso proves the team’s love for Nate hasn’t and won’t change. It’s a beautiful picture of how one can respond in the face of wounding- from friends, co-workers, and even family.
In the path of our King (and Ted Lasso), we choose to be wounded, rather than to wound, so the door to redemption is always open. I love that even those who maybe aren’t professed Christians see the beauty in this. I hope season three of Ted Lasso will showcase the real work of Ted’s choice and the immense beauty of redemption’s road. If it doesn’t, I think it will lose the light that drew so many to it in the first place.
Either way, I’m curious to see how it will play out on the pitch.
Post-Script: Now, I do want to mention. Lasso’s love does not negate the consequences of Nate’s actions. Choosing to be stabbed instead of stabbing another still ends with a knife in your side. Ted still needs healing (as we see plainly in season two), but I think Lasso’s actions perfectly depict what can happen when we don’t choose to retaliate or seek out revenge. On another note, I am not advocating that those who are in abusive relationships should stay in them. I believe the work of Christ plays out in unique ways in our particular story. Staying isn’t always the best. You are free to follow Christ, out of bondage, into freedom. If you find yourself struggling with this, please reach out to someone who can be an advocate for you. For a quick resource- there are many great counselors at the Allendar Center.
This is so good. Very convicting as the person who was disgusted as I watched.